Well, when you weekend gets shit on by mother nature and her monthly gift, what else can you do besides bitch and moan and lay there?
You blog.
Seriously, my friday started out great! Good friends, fun place, cool weather, rain..saturday started off great too, minus getting up at 5, blah! riding horses into the clouds and cool weather with fun people, minus the fact that you are bloated and cramping and miserable. Needless to say, I am not on the of the lucky women who get to frolic in a field wearing white while surfing the crimson wave..at all. So, I went home. and it was miserable at home too! I was hoping for menopause because of the sweating and nausea--do you get nausea in menopause? I am sure of it.
Because I am still bloated, miserable and waiting. For the moment to arrive when I can finally move again.
I mean, while in agony friday night, I started thinking about back up and Michelle and I searched around and we started laughing when we found what appeared to me to be a toothpick of a tampon. yes, I said TAMPON. Suck it. Women get PERIODS. Anywho--we both started laughing because, really? Kotex expects that to protect you? What did women do while traveling the Oregon Trail in covered wagons? Did all who had their monthly visitor (PERIOD) have to ride in the same wagon, banned to the back of the caravan? So that the men could pretend there was no such thing as a PERIOD, PERIOD, PERIOD! As my charming husband puts it "That's what corn cobs were for" obviously, he doesn't have a VAGINA. Obviously.
Hell, maybe they did, who knows! You go frontier women! Rockin the PERIOD wagon, probably smoking some peyote because they didn't have advil. or PBR. or Skittles.
PERIOD.TAMPON.PERIOD.
There, you see? It's okay to say PERIOD. Gosh dang we women are so lucky I can hardly stand it! We get to say PERIOD and VAGINA and TAMPON. I want you to say it out loud right now.
Feel better?
8 comments:
Alright, Melissa- you sound pregnant... Are you a prego? I know you were talking period, but are you sure you got it?!
Sarah, I am 100% sure I am not preggo! lol For real. I am just really lucky to have such awesome pms.
(:
:)
I also have a vagina--and a period. So cool.
Yep, my slender wearing days all loooonnngggg over.
I have also thought about pioneer women and how annoying that had to be. We sure have it good now in the feminine hygiene department!
Period.
Do you remember that you were at my house the very first time I ever tried to use a tampon? Danny Harris was waiting outside in my driveway and I was horrified when you said he asked why I was screaming in the bathroom. ;)
BTW, I think I've had MAYBE half a dozen periods in the last nine years...multiple children and extended breastfeeding are totally the way to go! I just might keep having babies right up 'til menopause. That would rock. :)
Melissa, that cracked me up and took me back! I DO remember! holy crap..awesome.
no more babies for me girls!
Okay Melissa, I NEED you. I can't say the V word. It just sounds too wierd. As a result- my daughter thinks she has a penis. No lie. I didn't tell her she has one, but the other day, she was holding herself, and I asked her if she had to go potty. She said, no, my penis is itchy.
See, I have issues.
I talked to my wise husband and asked him what should we do? Tell her that her vagina is itchy? Then the boys will start chanting, Kelsey has a vagina. Mom, what's a vagina? Do you have one? Damn, you just made me say the v word.
I need help.
You did it Cindy!! You said the word! Say it loud, say it proud--VAGINA!
Actually, it is a pretty darn gross word. I need you to fly here with Kelsey and then we can have a chat. (:
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