In 2 weeks I will be 35. 20 years ago I was going to be a veterinarian by this point or a zoologist. Obviously neither happened for me.
This is the birthday I have been dreading and I know people say they dread all birthdays but this is my fucking blog and I can bitch if I want. And I will bitch. daily.
I am not doing anything that I aspired to do. In fact, quite the opposite. The career that I made for myself makes me depressed, stressed, and a real bitch. Truth. Ask anyone. 10 years ago I wasn't like this. I enjoyed myself and laughed. Now I walk around like a freaking zombie and want to sleep all the time.
I spent the last 3 years in school wasting time on a degree I will never use. I spent 2 years of that time looking for a job and obviously didn't find one. All these people telling me how valuable I am but where is the employer looking for me?
I'm almost 35 and I am depressed. I can't take a vacation because I don't have time to. And because all my money goes to special needs dogs.
I'm depressed. I'm tired. I'm angry.
I'm done. something has got to change.
3 comments:
Seriously, you took the words from my mouth!! I love you and man, I feel you!!!
Ok, I have to say something here. You said, "I am not doing anything that I aspired to do." I am calling bullshit on that, my friend. You aspire to be a good mother, and you are. You aspire to be a caring, compassionate person/wife/friend/pet owner, and you are. You are a dedicated volunteer. You are building a business, which is not easy. Bottom, line, you're not giving yourself enough credit. Yes, life takes unexpected twists and turns. It is frustrating and exhausting. Sometimes it's hard to understand why. But dangit, you need to hold your head up high because you are a fantastic human being and you mean a great deal to many, many people. I am just one of them. Granted, 35 is a weird bday for a lot of us. Mine was. You just gotta dust yourself off and go kick some ass!
Thank you girls! Kristie, thank you. xo
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