goodbye old friend

Dear Blackberry,

Within the first month I owned you, you took a flying leap into a vat of white exterior primer. I dove in and tried to save you, wiping you on my favorite sweatshirt (which has since vanished due to embarrassment), passing you on to Michelle who sucked your membranes in order to save you from drowning and on to Trish who wiped you clean with clorox antibacterial wipes. Alas, you died. That same day. I watched as your screen suffocated and your red light ceased to blink-notifying me of new texts..texts I would never get..

That night, I had to pay $50 in order to replace you. Apparently the $1.99 I pay every month for extended warranty is worth every penny, sort of.

The next day, your replacement arrived, and what I thought was a new, shiny, beautiful whole other you---apparently was a lie. An evil twin. A USED evil twin. Oh the times we had. The badmouthing, the freezing while texting, the silent treatments it gave me even though the volume was turned up. I had to punish you every week by dropping you and scolding you into working again. It seemed to work, all those spankings and hurtful words.

About a week ago, your evil twin decided it had enough. It made my pictures turn red and blurry, it froze in mid call, it's ball stopped--balling. The red light would blink, but there were no new texts. A HOAX!

This morning I made the call. To permanently remove you from my life. Only this time, not with another twin. Something NEW and shiny and beautiful and different.

Because I had too. Because ever since I lost you last October to that slow, drowning death. It just hasn't been the same. Because your red light haunts me in the night. Because you decided to freeze up and not speak to me. Because I have a callous on my right thumb from balling you too much.

Because I can.

Good bye old friend.