life's compost

Well peeps.

It's only tuesday and this has been the longest week of my life. Who knew that rototilling and pulling weeds for 4 hours yesterday would prove to be the best way to release some anger and sadness? Put all my energy into that earth yesterday and I hope she repays me with some beauty this spring and summer.

I look at my daughter and I think back to the days of my childhood when I never ever imagined anything bad happening in my life. Everything revolved around dirt, horses and lizards. Wait--it still does..

I remember birthday parties at our big house in Roswell. I remember fun cakes my mom made us for our birthdays. I remember the carousel cake she made me. I remember when my friend jono fell into a cactus at my party. I remember when Mr. Rankin's horses would escape and come into our front yard.

I remember family trips and wonderful holidays.

Then I remember when I thought I was invincible. High school was a dream. It seemed like nothing wretched could ever happen to me or anyone I knew. It was all friends and shenanigans and driving my parents crazy.

That continued for another decade or so.

Then I met my fantastic husband who has changed my life for the better. He has calmed me down--yes, I know, if you knew me way back when you wouldn't believe how much he has calmed me down. Or it could be the extra 45 pounds I am carrying..either way, I'm calm-er.

I remember having big dreams for us and I still do.

There is one person in Nick's life who changed it for the better and right now he is having a difficult time. This makes me incredibly sad for him and his family because I can imagine that he is remembering back to his kids' birthdays, and their holidays and his own childhood and the life he had planned to live.

He gave my husband a chance in his career and he allowed him to grow and succeed. He helped make him into a better engineer and I believe this with my whole heart. He gave Nick courage and knowledge.

Right now, there is nothing I can say or do that will help this man or give him courage or knowledge. I can't heal him or take away the pain his family is feeling right at this moment. I can't say or do anything that can make anyone that knows him or who has been touched by his kindness-feel better. I can't even make myself feel better.

Isn't it funny how you can know someone for only a moment and that person can touch your life forever?

David has touched our lives forever. He has brought laughter and hugs and kindness to everyone.

To all the peeps I know that are affected by cancer right now or have been in the past. I'm sorry. And I wish to god that that I could make you feel better.

And I wish to god every night, the hardest I have ever wished, that this man be healed and given another chance.


Tonight when you go to bed, do me a favor. Pray for someone you don't know, whom you have never met, someone whose face you don't know--pray for that someone who has cancer and pray that they are healed and that their families are healed with them.