Betty Caca

This week has proved to be a baking disaster week! First off, I got jipped because I have had to bring snacks or goodies twice already to Phoebe's school this month and now today I have to provide the class snack for the holiday party. Can I get an OY VEY?

On top of that, I had to finish up my candies and cookies and me--Miss Baker, is tired of baking! I want to sloth around my house and do nothing! I hate my stove and I hate my kitchen aid and I hate dishes.

Yesterday I drove down the street--yes I drove, it was cold, windy and I had to take a bunch of baking crap with me-to my neighbors house to teach her how to make peppermint bark and candy. She wanted to two chocolate tone bark which I NEVER make because 1. it sucks and 2. it tastes like shit.

So, here I am in her kitchen trying to teach her and trying to keep my sanity and I get done with the first layer and she wants it to be PERFECT which I told her it wouldn't be because it will melt together and be sludge--gross peppermint sludge.

And it did and it was.

So, after that I left to go home and find my motivation to start my own baking and candy making and I think I flushed it down the toilet that morning because it was nowhere to be found. On top of providing the holiday party snack for Phoebe's class, I have to make sure it has no nuts whatsoever for the kids who are allergic and one kid is lactose intolerant and I told the school director there was no way in heck I could skip on dairy because if I can't buy the snack (because everything I wanted to buy was processed with NUTS NUTS NUTS) then the frosting I use for my cupcakes has milk in it and that was that. So there.

So I got the cupcakes done and some other things done, but no frosting done till this morning and then my kid is screaming at me because she wanted to decorate the cupcakes and I am SO MEAN--THE MEANEST MOM EVER.

*bowing* Thank you, thank you.

As I was decorating the cupcakes because I am anal and I have to do it myself, I was using the disposable decorating bags (FYI, don't use those) because I'm lazy and I don't want to wash anymore dishes or baking related goods, the damn bag broke and frosting oozed out all over my hand, shirt, cupcake and the cupcake container.

SWEET JESUS.

I salvaged the frosting, threw the damn bag out and pulled out my good bag to use and all was well, and now I have a sink full of dishes--AGAIN. Along with a screaming kid who is still pissed because I AM THE MEANEST MOM EVER.

And then a commercial came on for Zhu Zhu pets and all was quiet. Thank you zhu zhu pet maker for sending subliminal messages to my kid through your creepy robotic pets and their commercials.

So, in conclusion--if you got a cookie tray last year from me or candy tray or bag, then remember back how good it was because this year you ain't getting crap.

I am done and done. (Honey, I did however finally shave my legs and take a shower this morning!)


*except for the baklava I am making next week for Christmas*